Shut up about the horse

When it comes to horses, I make my opinion known. I don't like them. They are large, they are stinky, and they suck at jumping over tiny fences. A horse was responsible for putting Christopher Reeves in a wheelchair. Let's face it -- they are monsters. Graceful, majestic monsters.

Now, the only thing I dislike more than a horse is a horse that gets large amounts of publicity to the point that it's treated like a human being. Barbaro was one such horse. For a while there, it was quite easy to mix up Barbaro with David Koresh (pre-Waco siege) due to the overwhelming amount of people claiming this horse as their personal savior. It was really good at running around in a loop, it beat some other horses, it broke it's ankle, and suddenly the animal becomes front page news like it just brought peace to the Middle East. In fact, after recovering from his surgery a little over a year ago, Barbaro was overheard by the scientist people that operated on him saying that he was bigger than Jesus Christ. Yessir, I hate this horse in particular more than other regular horses. And I know I'm not the only one.

So during one of my neurotic, thrice-daily check-ups on Philly.com, I found this:


Your "beloved" Barbaro? Oh please, lady. I may not like horses, but I agree with people who do like horses: if you truly care for a horse, you won't race 'em. It's that simple -- horses that race other horses around a loop too much end up making millions of dollars for their owners but end up with a lifespan equivalent to that of a fruit fly. If Barbaro was truly "their beloved", they would've let it sit around the house and watch TV all day, not raced him until his legs shattered into bone dust.

No, Barbaro was beloved because he was worth more than all the veterinarians that operated on him, combined. That's why they kept him alive for eight months longer than they should have, and that's why the Inquirer and Daily News keep revisiting this ridiculous story each time they're given the chance (it's his birthday! it's the anniversary of his win at the Derby! it's the anniversary of the day he broke his ankle! it's the anniversary of the day he broke wind!)

I have no statistical evidence to back this up, but I imagine that a newspaper with Barbaro on the front would sell better than one with Michael Nutter on the front. In fact, to expound on a thought from yesterday, Barbaro could probably beat Chaka Fattah, Milton Street, and Mumia Abu Jamal in a race for mayor (but not in a regular footrace -- everyone knows that Chaka Fattah would whup the shit out of that horse).

Mayor Mumia?

On the way back from Quizno's this afternoon, I stopped to gawk at the Free Mumia protest that was blocking the intersection at 15th and JFK in front of City Hall. I'm guessing there were about 150 people crowding around with signs, t-shirts, banners, and megaphones. I'm always game to sit and watch the drama that always unfolds when people decide this to be their preferred method of expressing opinions, so I found a bench and ate my delicious toasted sub right there. It was one of my more memorable lunch hours since I started working in Center City many months ago.

The thought occurred to me on the way back to my cubicle, then, that Chaka Fattah organizers had tried to block that same intersection with a protest on Monday afternoon and, from what I heard, had failed miserably. Back in March, Milton Street held a rally there with probably the same intentions, as he had said that he would not run for mayor unless 5,000 people showed up -- and that failed spectacularly as well. WHICH MEANS: if Mumia Abu Jamal were in a race against either Chaka Fattah or Milton Street for mayor, MUMIA would probably win.

I know it's a joke and most likely untrue (I certainly hope that more people would come out and vote for a guy convicted of unpaid parking tickets before they vote for a guy convicted of shooting a cop) but the thought itself is entertaining. Also entertaining: the "Welcome to Philadelphia" t-shirts that display a silhouette of a Philadelphia P.D. chopper firebombing the MOVE group on Osage Ave.

This fuckin' city.